02.04.06
P. J. O’Rourke Quotes
P. J. O’Rourke Quotes
A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.
- P. J. O’Rourke
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
- P. J. O’Rourke
Weird clothes are helpful to teens, making it easier for them to fend off sexual advances from older people. Certain types of older persons, with more aesthetics than good sense, are drawn to the beauty and vitality of teenagers. But on closer inspection, the older person will see that the teenagers have nose rings, tattoos, and are covered in vegetable dye, feathers, denim things, and that it isn’t easy to tell if they are girls or what, and he will leave them alone.
- P. J. O’Rourke
Fame is a communicable disease. If you get screwed by someone who’s got it, you may catch it yourself.
- P. J. O’Rourke
One difficult problem of divorce is knowing what to call an ex-mother-in-law, a former uncle by marriage, and other relatives of a discarded spouse. Most people call them ‘dirt.’
- P. J. O’Rourke
No matter how liberated she is, every woman still wants a husband. No one knows why, but it’s true. Modern Manners demands then that whenever you visit a single woman, you should put your feet up on her furniture, smoke stinky cigars, and refuse to take the garbage out. Identify with the role and try to be a husband at all times. Ask every single woman you know, ‘When’s dinner?’ or ‘Why you putting on so much weight.
- P. J. O’Rourke
